I was NOT poor when I was 11
In late elementary school and early middle school (4th-7th grade), the coolest kids in school were just complete and total fucking dirtbags. The worst was a kid named Scott.
Scott was mean. And very, very poor.
After Chris and I thought about it, we noticed that pretty much all the cool kids were just completely impoverished. Then, once everybody starts approaching that highschool "Material things contribute immensely to popularity, and it's not cool to show up to school or social events malnourished, unshowered, and unable to answer when someone asks what your dad does for a living because he's a raving drunk and can't hold down a job" phase, the poor kids that were cool because they were just the meanest suddenly had almost nothing going for them. They dropped out of sight, and ended up at some alternative education system because their dirt-poor asses couldn't stop fighting.
In Circuit City today, we were trying to waste time until it was acceptable to fall asleep (existence is overrated), and trading hypothetical one-liners. We were both crying with laughter, and the tightasses at Circut City started shooting us dirty looks.
"Oh man.... Scott just pulled out his lunch, and all he's got is 3 pieces of bread, a package of saltine crackers, and some ketchup packets his mom stole from McDonalds. I wish I were that poor...."
"Did you what Scott was wearing? He was wearing that yesterday. Lucky...."
"Did you hear why Scott was late for school today? His alarm didn't go off 'cause Consumers Energy shut off the power when his dad didn't pay the bill for 5 months..... what a DREAMBOAT!."
Anyway, this is just a circuitous way of explaining that from now on, I'm gonna start using "poor" as a synonym for "awesome." I may even use it as a one word statement (like "Rad!" or "Gnarly!" or "Bitchin'!") when something utterly sweet happens. "Poor!" I can't wait to explain to people what it means...
I am the worst person on the planet.
Scott was mean. And very, very poor.
After Chris and I thought about it, we noticed that pretty much all the cool kids were just completely impoverished. Then, once everybody starts approaching that highschool "Material things contribute immensely to popularity, and it's not cool to show up to school or social events malnourished, unshowered, and unable to answer when someone asks what your dad does for a living because he's a raving drunk and can't hold down a job" phase, the poor kids that were cool because they were just the meanest suddenly had almost nothing going for them. They dropped out of sight, and ended up at some alternative education system because their dirt-poor asses couldn't stop fighting.
In Circuit City today, we were trying to waste time until it was acceptable to fall asleep (existence is overrated), and trading hypothetical one-liners. We were both crying with laughter, and the tightasses at Circut City started shooting us dirty looks.
"Oh man.... Scott just pulled out his lunch, and all he's got is 3 pieces of bread, a package of saltine crackers, and some ketchup packets his mom stole from McDonalds. I wish I were that poor...."
"Did you what Scott was wearing? He was wearing that yesterday. Lucky...."
"Did you hear why Scott was late for school today? His alarm didn't go off 'cause Consumers Energy shut off the power when his dad didn't pay the bill for 5 months..... what a DREAMBOAT!."
Anyway, this is just a circuitous way of explaining that from now on, I'm gonna start using "poor" as a synonym for "awesome." I may even use it as a one word statement (like "Rad!" or "Gnarly!" or "Bitchin'!") when something utterly sweet happens. "Poor!" I can't wait to explain to people what it means...
I am the worst person on the planet.
posted by Derek at 8:10 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home