A first
Raise your hand if you've been on a date during which your partner discussed, at length, how troublesome the yeast infections were when she lost her virginity.
(Wang raises hand)
In her defense, she probably won't remember in the morning, because she'd blacked out about an hour earlier. Actually, I'm not really sure if the phrase "in her defense..." really works there.
Only me. Only. Me.
(Wang raises hand)
In her defense, she probably won't remember in the morning, because she'd blacked out about an hour earlier. Actually, I'm not really sure if the phrase "in her defense..." really works there.
Only me. Only. Me.
posted by Derek at 11:14 PM
7 Comments:
(raises hand)
I talked recently to a girl who I used to work with a few years ago.
She used to be normal, and now she isn't. I'm fairly certain that she is a hypochondriac, since most of her issues are undiagnosed, meaning a doctor won't write her any prescriptions.
Long story short, when we first started hanging out, and messing around, she said that she has candida, which is like a neverending yeast infection.
I fold.
Jeep
Don't tell me that this is the most interesting thing that happened while she was blacked out. For a girl to go out with me, generally speaking, she has to weigh about 500 lbs. Do you have any idea what it costs to get that kind of equipment drunk on JollyRancher shots? I couldn't afford to let that scenario slip through my hands (I'll take the high road, but would still like to point out that there was a "slip through my hands" joke involving masturbation. Yeah - I could've gone there).
The above paragraph is fictitious; despite my utter lack of morality and contempt for women, something prevents me from attempting any such horrors. Maybe it's a certain level of pride I maintain by not trying-and-failing, whatever. At least female-kind can thank the lord that Dutch isn't on-the-prowl; velvet shirt only about half-way buttoned, spouting cheap lines and whatnot. Actually, that would be funny to watch. New reality show?
Well at least you know she puts out...
Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
I'm going to post bad song lyrics everyday until you post a new blog entry or at least start posting on FCP again.
Please note that I am using the patented "Wang Time Metric" when I say "everyday."
I assume your internet is down or that you've fallen asleep for few weeks now, but that's besides the point.
Parents are bitching and I've been assigned to locate you. Apparently the tracking device they placed on you as a child is malfunctioning...
...Or some shit
[i]Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again... Oh, no![/i]
I suck at HTML tags.
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