I'm Washing My Hair
Recent Phone Conversation:
Wang: "Hey."
Girl: "Hey, sorry I'm calling so late."
Wang: "No problem. How was the rest of your weekend?"
Girl: "It was okay."
Wang: "Just okay?"
Girl: "I'm trying to remember... oh, I went to the Michigan game on Saturday!"
Wang: "How was that?"
Girl: "I'm trying to remember..."
Wang: "Jesus, how did you drink on Saturday? Didn't you have like 6 of those TallBoys?"
Girl: "Yeah, I think. I don't think I was too drunk though."
Wang: "Really? You seemed pretty hammered to me."
Girl: "No, I think I was fine. I had a pretty bad headache when I woke up in the morning, and I had to have my roommate remind me of lots of stuff that happened on Friday, but I don't think I was THAT drunk..."
Wang: (falling in love)"Wait, so you kinda blacked out after drinking 12+ beers, and you don't think you were that drunk?"
Girl: "You're the guy with the hair, right?"
Wang: (trepidatiously) "Yeaaah..."
Girl: "Oh! How old were you? You were cute. You play cards, right?"
Wang: "Uh, I'm 23. I, uh. Yeah. I play cards. I thought you were pretty goo-"
Girl: "Where are you from again?"
Wang: "You really don't remember any of this? We talked for like 5 hours at the bar..."
Girl: "No, I remember. Just needed some reminding."
Wang: (growing a nutsac) "Hey, I'm gonna be in town this weekend. I'd like to take you out to dinner or something, maybe watch the game, see a movie. Whatever."
Girl: "Ooooh, sorry. I can't. I've got plans on Friday and Saturday. Are you going to be around Sunday?"
Wang: "Actually, I might be. What if I took you to get some lunch."
Girl: "Ooooh, sorry. I have to take pictures. With my dog."
(This is easily the lowest point of my life. She just blew me off with that classic 'taking pictures with my dog' line.)
Wang: "Ah. Oh well. Okay, I'll let you go then. Just give me a call if you cha-"
Girl: "No, don't go."
Wang: "What?"
Girl: "You're cute and funny. When else will you be in town?"
Wang: (thoroughly confused) "Jeez, uh, I'm not su-"
Girl: "Wanna go out next weekend?"
Wang: "So the line about the dog wasn't a blowoff?"
Girl: "No, silly. I gotta run, my bath is ready. I'll call you Saturday!"
Wang: "Sure, okay. I'll talk to you then. I'm talking to a dialtone, aren't I? Yup. Dialtone. Jesus, that was weird."
Jesus, that was fucking weird.
Wang
Wang: "Hey."
Girl: "Hey, sorry I'm calling so late."
Wang: "No problem. How was the rest of your weekend?"
Girl: "It was okay."
Wang: "Just okay?"
Girl: "I'm trying to remember... oh, I went to the Michigan game on Saturday!"
Wang: "How was that?"
Girl: "I'm trying to remember..."
Wang: "Jesus, how did you drink on Saturday? Didn't you have like 6 of those TallBoys?"
Girl: "Yeah, I think. I don't think I was too drunk though."
Wang: "Really? You seemed pretty hammered to me."
Girl: "No, I think I was fine. I had a pretty bad headache when I woke up in the morning, and I had to have my roommate remind me of lots of stuff that happened on Friday, but I don't think I was THAT drunk..."
Wang: (falling in love)"Wait, so you kinda blacked out after drinking 12+ beers, and you don't think you were that drunk?"
Girl: "You're the guy with the hair, right?"
Wang: (trepidatiously) "Yeaaah..."
Girl: "Oh! How old were you? You were cute. You play cards, right?"
Wang: "Uh, I'm 23. I, uh. Yeah. I play cards. I thought you were pretty goo-"
Girl: "Where are you from again?"
Wang: "You really don't remember any of this? We talked for like 5 hours at the bar..."
Girl: "No, I remember. Just needed some reminding."
Wang: (growing a nutsac) "Hey, I'm gonna be in town this weekend. I'd like to take you out to dinner or something, maybe watch the game, see a movie. Whatever."
Girl: "Ooooh, sorry. I can't. I've got plans on Friday and Saturday. Are you going to be around Sunday?"
Wang: "Actually, I might be. What if I took you to get some lunch."
Girl: "Ooooh, sorry. I have to take pictures. With my dog."
(This is easily the lowest point of my life. She just blew me off with that classic 'taking pictures with my dog' line.)
Wang: "Ah. Oh well. Okay, I'll let you go then. Just give me a call if you cha-"
Girl: "No, don't go."
Wang: "What?"
Girl: "You're cute and funny. When else will you be in town?"
Wang: (thoroughly confused) "Jeez, uh, I'm not su-"
Girl: "Wanna go out next weekend?"
Wang: "So the line about the dog wasn't a blowoff?"
Girl: "No, silly. I gotta run, my bath is ready. I'll call you Saturday!"
Wang: "Sure, okay. I'll talk to you then. I'm talking to a dialtone, aren't I? Yup. Dialtone. Jesus, that was weird."
Jesus, that was fucking weird.
Wang
posted by Derek at 10:28 PM
7 Comments:
It seems as though you appeared to be pretty strong pre-flop. Her limp-call indicated weakness. She hit the flop pretty hard though; I think you were needing to catch some big cards. Fourth street I like your smooth-call, but I would be confused where you stand as well. Only the river will tell.
Good luck.
Jeepster
Looks like your 'not pick up the phone, text message her saying you oculd talk in 30 seconds, then calling in 30 seconds' gag mighta been money
I love the way you write dialogue. That was hilarious.
Hobbes said...
"I love the way you write dialogue. That was hilarious."
Well thanks, pal! Even though I don't know anything about you (apart from your obvious knowledge of baseball and comic-strips/philosophy/both), your praise gives me a warm, fuzzy, completely heterosexual feeling.
In the last 6 months- even though I'm completely untrained as a writer- I've been experimenting a little with short stories. I'll have a few great ideas, set up the structure, the symbolism, the tone changes.... then BAM!
There's just too much goddamned dialogue. I can only write in first person about myself, in dialogue. Nothing else.
Wang
Whoops. I meant: "I can only write in first person about myself, OR in dialogue."
I'm pretty sure you're going to marry this girl.
Wang: (falling in love)"Wait, so you kinda blacked out after drinking 12+ beers, and you don't think you were that drunk?"
Girl: "You're the guy with the hair, right?"
That is just a beautiful transition right there. I believe my response to that would've been, "…" as I searched my mind for some meaning behind what just happened.
Girl: "Ooooh, sorry. I can't. I've got plans on Friday and Saturday. Are you going to be around Sunday?"
Wang: "Actually, I might be. What if I took you to get some lunch."
Girl: "Ooooh, sorry. I have to take pictures. With my dog."
Genuine laugh at this. I'm not even sure if it would've registered as a blowoff with me at this point. I think it would've taken me a moment or two to contemplate her asking me if I'm going to be around on Sunday and then following that up by saying she is busy. Eventually I would've come to the conclusion that she was hoping I wasn't going to be around Sunday, but then I'd be really curious when she came up with the pictures with the dog excuse.
Wang: "So the line about the dog wasn't a blowoff?"
Girl: "No, silly. I gotta run, my bath is ready. I'll call you Saturday!"
Wang: "Sure, okay. I'll talk to you then. I'm talking to a dialtone, aren't I? Yup. Dialtone. Jesus, that was weird."
Awesome. She asks you out then runs away because her bath is ready. Great ending too.
If I got a phone call like that, I'm sure I would be left standing there with the phone in one hand, scratching my head with the other, and wondering what the hell just happened.
I really got a lot of laughs out of this entry. Well done indeed.
Post a Comment
<< Home