Hey. Gramps. Not EVERYONE is deaf.

My grandfather led a pretty interesting life. He was dirt poor, and grew up in South Carolina. He didn't finish 8th grade, spent a lot of time in the Marines- including fucking shit up during WWII- and drove a truck for a living post service. He retired VERY early, and bought a sweet-ass place in Florida that endeared him to me from my earliest childhood..

If you had to make a few assumptions about my grandfather, based on his socioeconomic background, his generation, his education and his time fighting in the Pacific Theatre of WWII, you would probably assume a few things:

1) Gramps hates blacks
2) Gramps hates Japs


You'd be wrong though. He's 100% non-racist (except that he still says colored), and has absolutely no ill-will towards the Japanese.

He just really REALLY fucking hates fat people. More than anything. And he can't control it. He's pretty senile now, and lives in an assisted living facility, but that doesn't stop him from shouting vile insults at every fat person he sees. He'll even go so far as to shout at the people in the lunchroom who feed them, suggesting that "it wouldn't hurt her to skip a meal, now, would it?"

I came home from college once, weighing a robust 205. When I saw him, he warned me that "fat people don't get good jobs, because everyone hates them."

He also constantly warns my mother that I'm on drugs. Thanks, Grandpa: now mom calls me every 3 days to make sure I'm not all coked out. You know what she asked me today? "Have you ever done Horse? or Junk?"

I told her that I used to, but the methadone program is really, really good.

Wang