I like this idea. I'm just not sure what to do with it. It took me about 20 minutes to write, and I like the early parts (the humor, not the writing), but I tossed a boldification in around where I think it starts losing traction. I just hammered a few lines out and stopped writing. I think there are a few ideas in there worth pursuing, but I thought most everything after the bold-line (as well as a few lines before, actually) is weak.
So:
Untitled Superman Conversation
Superman: “Hello?”
Superman: “Hey Doug. What’s up?”
Superman: “No, actually. I didn’t see.”
Superman: “Wait, what? You’re joking, right?”
Superman: “How the fuck could the line be that low?”
Superman: “It… wait, what? It moved DOWN to -500? So you’re telling me that the book thinks I’m going to lose one out of six times, and most of the money is coming on fucking BATMAN?”
Superman: “What the fuck does Batman DO anyway? I mean, what the hell are HIS superpowers? He has a grappling hook, a nice car, and an offshore bank account. I’m… I’m motherfucking SUPERMAN for Christ’s sake.”
Superman: “Yeah, I know I sound like Jerry Seinfeld, but that doesn’t make it-“
Superman: “No, Doug, I think you’re mis-…”
Superman: “I don’t give a fuck how ‘neat’ his costume looks you mo-“
Superman: “Okay, okay, I HAVE always been partial to black, but that’s really neither here nor- GODDAMMIT, Doug, shut up about the costume for a second, okay? How can I lose? That’s the question. I. Am. MOTHERFUCKINGINVINCIBLE!!!”
Superman: “No, no! No, he agreed to the ‘No Kryptonite’ rule, man. You see what I’m saying, here? Do you see what I’m SAYING here Doug?”
Superman: “Doug. Tell me you’re kidding.”
Superman: “I can’t believe you. I can NOT believe you!”
Superman: “Well, apart from the fact that we’re friends? I don’t want you to just piss your money away, because I’m, like, uh, goddamned invincible.”
Superman: “Oh, come on. Are you really throwing that in my face?”Superman: “That was YEARS ago. And that is so different.”
Superman: “Okay, yeah. I said that Rams team was invincible, but if the game had been called like it should’ve been, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”
Superman: “I am NOT making an excuse, Doug. It isn’t like I didn’t lose some money on that game, too, you know.”
Superman: “Did I tell you to do that? Did I tell you to bet that money? Did I ever suggest that you should start gambling with your ki-”
Superman: “Yeah, but I just assumed you understood the realities of ga- GODDAMMIT DOUG! This is different, okay?”
Superman: “Because. Because it’s different.”
Superman: “Fine, then.”
Superman: “Whatever, Doug.”
Superman: “Okay.”
Superman: “Whatever. Okay.”
Superman: “See if I care. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
