Bling Bling, fat bitches!
I get a lot of spam at my lycos email account. A lot. The spam:legitimate ratio is something silly like 35:1, and only partly because nobody ever fucking emails me. The emails are predictably absurd, like the one I received two days ago from "Darius_Beaver" entitled "Question hint but more?"
But as I was eloctronically tossing virus-mails into the metaphorically-overflowing wastebasket a few minutes ago, an email from PayPal caught my eye. Seeing as how I'm reasonably certain I've never had occassion to open a PayPal account, my interest was piqued. I decided to bite. The text of the email in its entirety is reproduced below:
Notification from PayPal
Dear PayPal Member!
Having provided the constant support and check of your billing data on file with PayPal we managed to discover a little error in it. You can use you card only for the purpose of identification, the charge at will is impossible. This very type of user�s identification lets PayPal store a safe place to make a purchase, manage the verification of your account data. Setting up a seller account needs valid debit or credit card and verification of account data. In case of automatic payments the charge of credit card usually lasts 5-7 days after getting the invoice. Confirm the necessary information. Mind that your account can be invalid for non-payers and your responsibility may include costs accepting.
Click here to receive access to confirmation page
Be sure, you�ve made right choice paying attention to this matter. Sorry for any inconveniences but we would like you to understand that it is just a safe way of your account protection. Please understand that this is a security measure meant to help protect you and your account.
I was struck by a few things, to be given in list form, as always:
1) Nope. I sure don't have a fucking PayPal account.
2) This email was either written by (a) a brilliant gerbil; (b) a brave-but-developmentally-disabled 5th grader; (c) a lazy Portugese guy in his native tongue who decided his scam would come off just as well if, instead of carefully translating the text into English, he just pasted it into a box at Babblefish.com and clicked on the convenient little "Translate!" button.
3) If some jokebag has gone to the trouble of sending this mass email out to a few thousand people worldwide, it's not unreasonable to assume that some chimpanzee must have fallen for a facsimile of it before. Which line got you, Cletus? My money's on "Sorry for any inconveniences but we would like you to understand that it is just a safe way of your account protection. Please understand that this is a security measure meant to help protect you and your account." Security? Protection? Please?! I'm convinced; here's my credit card info.
4) I like to imagine somebody somewhere reading this doozy of an opener: "Having provided the constant support and check of your billing data on file with PayPal we managed to discover a little error in it," and NOT hearing violent alarm bells, especially when he got to the part about the "little error in it." It just rings so... genuine.
5) Now that online poker is soon to be dried up as an honest way to make an illegitimate living, I might have to turn to internet fraud. I'm thinking something like an email-stickup.
"Dear Asshole,
I am outside your house with a sniper rifle. Email me your full name, address, phone number, social security number, and ALL credit card information. Do not- I repeat DO NOT- get tricky and leave out the expiration date, give me your married name when the card is registered under your maiden name, or even CONSIDER calling the police. If you do, this email will explode for real.
I forgot to mention that THERE IS A BOMB IN THE EMAIL!
Electronically signed,
shimmering_wang@tortoisefuck.org
PS- There's an underscore in my email address. Don't forget YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!"
Bling, bling, fat bitches.
But as I was eloctronically tossing virus-mails into the metaphorically-overflowing wastebasket a few minutes ago, an email from PayPal caught my eye. Seeing as how I'm reasonably certain I've never had occassion to open a PayPal account, my interest was piqued. I decided to bite. The text of the email in its entirety is reproduced below:
Notification from PayPal
Dear PayPal Member!
Having provided the constant support and check of your billing data on file with PayPal we managed to discover a little error in it. You can use you card only for the purpose of identification, the charge at will is impossible. This very type of user�s identification lets PayPal store a safe place to make a purchase, manage the verification of your account data. Setting up a seller account needs valid debit or credit card and verification of account data. In case of automatic payments the charge of credit card usually lasts 5-7 days after getting the invoice. Confirm the necessary information. Mind that your account can be invalid for non-payers and your responsibility may include costs accepting.
Click here to receive access to confirmation page
Be sure, you�ve made right choice paying attention to this matter. Sorry for any inconveniences but we would like you to understand that it is just a safe way of your account protection. Please understand that this is a security measure meant to help protect you and your account.
I was struck by a few things, to be given in list form, as always:
1) Nope. I sure don't have a fucking PayPal account.
2) This email was either written by (a) a brilliant gerbil; (b) a brave-but-developmentally-disabled 5th grader; (c) a lazy Portugese guy in his native tongue who decided his scam would come off just as well if, instead of carefully translating the text into English, he just pasted it into a box at Babblefish.com and clicked on the convenient little "Translate!" button.
3) If some jokebag has gone to the trouble of sending this mass email out to a few thousand people worldwide, it's not unreasonable to assume that some chimpanzee must have fallen for a facsimile of it before. Which line got you, Cletus? My money's on "Sorry for any inconveniences but we would like you to understand that it is just a safe way of your account protection. Please understand that this is a security measure meant to help protect you and your account." Security? Protection? Please?! I'm convinced; here's my credit card info.
4) I like to imagine somebody somewhere reading this doozy of an opener: "Having provided the constant support and check of your billing data on file with PayPal we managed to discover a little error in it," and NOT hearing violent alarm bells, especially when he got to the part about the "little error in it." It just rings so... genuine.
5) Now that online poker is soon to be dried up as an honest way to make an illegitimate living, I might have to turn to internet fraud. I'm thinking something like an email-stickup.
"Dear Asshole,
I am outside your house with a sniper rifle. Email me your full name, address, phone number, social security number, and ALL credit card information. Do not- I repeat DO NOT- get tricky and leave out the expiration date, give me your married name when the card is registered under your maiden name, or even CONSIDER calling the police. If you do, this email will explode for real.
I forgot to mention that THERE IS A BOMB IN THE EMAIL!
Electronically signed,
shimmering_wang@tortoisefuck.org
PS- There's an underscore in my email address. Don't forget YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!"
Bling, bling, fat bitches.
posted by Derek at 6:05 PM
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