"P.S.- Should I stop masturbating, or is that okay?"

I am a Democrat, so it's tough for me to really throw TOO big a hissy fit when it comes to overly-intrusive government. I do, however, consider myself a Social Libertarian- for lack of a better label- so I think I can bitch about this and be relatively consistent:

For those of you that don't know, a bill recently passed through Congress, and a rider was attached that makes online poker explicitly illegal in the United States. (As a sidenote, it's disgusting to me that an issue like this was decided via amendment to a completely unrelated piece of legislation. Mr. Frist, or whoever the fuck is responsible with this, if you want to fuck with the way I make a living, I'd appreciate it if you'd jump up and down a few times so your testicles would drop out of your stomach before doing so.)

(EDIT: Actually, though I haven't read the text of the bill, I think I made a mistake earlier. Playing online poker isn't illegal, but transferring money through banking institutions, credit cards, etc. to and from an online poker site is illegal. I'm terrified to do all the research I have to, so I'm putting it off, but I think there's a level of murkiness as to whether poker constitutes gambling or not in this country. I know there have been a few landmark decisions finding that poker is a game of skill, and therefore the "elements of gambling" [which differ from state to state, if I'm not mistaken] necessary for an act to be considered "gambling" are not present. I plan on reading some supreme court decisions [in Washington, Colorado, Texas, and New York states, especially] to see what the general consensus is. If anyone could point me in the right direction, it'd save me a lot of work, and I'd be appreciative.)

Dutch, an acquaintance of mine, wrote an open-letter that I think everyone should have to read. The text is reproduced below:

To my dear masters at the US Ministry of Unsolicited, Forced Moral Abstinence; I thank you. Too long have I been allowed to do damage to myself with immoral freedoms. Too long has the Government gone without a legal monopoly on gambling.

The most dangerous part about victimless crimes is that I don't have the common good to think about while doing it; making me so footloose and irresponsible that I can't even imagine the things I might do to myself without comrades like you to watch my back, and then force my hand, without my permission. Thanks again, guys, I now know that gambling is wrong... unless the Government holds the action, in which case it's fine, for some reason.

Blindly yours,

[name removed]

P.S. Believe it or not, some people don't share our views: maybe you could scare them by involving church groups or accusing people of endangering children. That should do it.


My favorite line is probably "I now know that gambling is wrong... unless the Government holds the action, in which case it's fine, for some reason."

God, I hate this: I feel like I'm turning into William F. Buckley or something