A New Low in Personal Hygiene

I feel compelled to confess that I'm by no measure a clean man. My room is usually cluttered, at least, and horrifyingly messy at worst. Once, I woke up hungover in my room, and realized I'd managed to fall asleep with my face in 3-day old pancake syrup. It was a low point.

When it comes to matters of PERSONAL hygiene, however, I'm usually on the ball. I shower daily, brush my teeth 1.33 times/day, and wash my face obsessively. But lately I've begun to slip.

A few years ago, a man I knew in Ann Arbor named Elliot Harik introduced me to what he referred to as "reactive bathing." In the summer, he bathed 10+ times/week. In the winter, however, he'd routinely mention that he'd gone 5 or more days without showering. What gives, Elliot? He explained.

"I shower when I need to." I didn't get it. He further explained that he only cleaned himself when it was absolutely necessary. In the summer, he would sweat, so he would find himself soaping and sudsing more than once-daily. In the winter, however, he would do only the basics: teeth, face, deoderant, and leave the full-body cleaning on the backburner until he could smell himself. I was shocked at the time, but now I'm starting to see the light.

If I stink, I shower. If not, I don't. Hell, I keep the AC on full blast and keep physical activity to an absolute minimum, just so I won't "break the streak."

And my life manages to reach a new and depressing low.