Ready to Run Shit
Whoa. I'm the worst...
My internet is finally up and running. I wish I had an excuse blaming a nefarious cable company or roommate or something, but I don't. Instead, I merely couldn't find the 3ish hours it took to build a desk and hook my computer/router up in my busy schedule. Just so you know, my busy schedule involved reading Robert Ludlum books, spitting on Chris for his bad puns, and spending at least 4 hours thinking of a name for my Fantasy Football team. I ended up settling on "Pulling Kiergegaards." In answer to your inevitable question, I was actually completely sober. Yes, it was the best I could come up with. In 10 seconds Chris decided "Big Apple Hegel would be so much better." He's right. It is much better. I decided for Halloween this October I'm going to make him dress up in New York tourist paraphenlia, and carry around German philosophical texts while muttering with a bad German accent about laws of contradiction and laws of the excluded middle. He's a pussy, so he won't do it. But if he did we'd give out 100 bucks to the first person to correctly identify the costume-cum-pun.
I'm reasonably certain that hundo-spot would be safe in our pockets.
In order to make up for my absolutely TERRIBLE month of August, I'm going to try to get something down here at least once every other day. I promise that what I make up for in quantity of entries will be compensated by exponentially lower-quality entries.
One quick thing that I saw at the bookstore yesterday.
I was sitting at a table in the back near the kid's section (because being around other adults makes me feel even worse about myself), reading a collection of old Orson Scott Card works, when I witnessed the following exchange:
(Enter, stage left, harried mother and 2 small children)
Mommy: "Okay, guys, let's go get a snack. Put that down. You could use a snack right? Mommy needs some Irish coffee!"
Kid: "But mommy this is about Jesus."
Mommy: (examines Christianity picture book) "Well... can't argue with that."
Kid: "Jesus! Jesus!"
Mommy: "Okay, honey... put that down and let's get a little snack."
Kid: "But I want to read about Jesus." (plaintively, whining) "JE-SUUUUS!"
Mommy: "Well" (pauses for half a beat) "would you rather read about Jesus? Or get a candy bar? I'll get you a candy bar!"
Kid: "SNICKERS!!!"
At this point the kid just flung the Jesus picture book in a heap on the ground, and started sprinting towards the snack bar.
Mommy: (rolls eyes, sighs) "Oh, Christ...."
At that point I just started laughing my ass off. She smiled at me and said, shrugging and adjusting her daughter on her hip, "Whatever works, right?"
I made up the part about the Irish coffee, but the rest is verbatim. I've been trying to prove this formally for years, but now I can say resolutely:
Chocolate > Jesus
I'll be back later.
My internet is finally up and running. I wish I had an excuse blaming a nefarious cable company or roommate or something, but I don't. Instead, I merely couldn't find the 3ish hours it took to build a desk and hook my computer/router up in my busy schedule. Just so you know, my busy schedule involved reading Robert Ludlum books, spitting on Chris for his bad puns, and spending at least 4 hours thinking of a name for my Fantasy Football team. I ended up settling on "Pulling Kiergegaards." In answer to your inevitable question, I was actually completely sober. Yes, it was the best I could come up with. In 10 seconds Chris decided "Big Apple Hegel would be so much better." He's right. It is much better. I decided for Halloween this October I'm going to make him dress up in New York tourist paraphenlia, and carry around German philosophical texts while muttering with a bad German accent about laws of contradiction and laws of the excluded middle. He's a pussy, so he won't do it. But if he did we'd give out 100 bucks to the first person to correctly identify the costume-cum-pun.
I'm reasonably certain that hundo-spot would be safe in our pockets.
In order to make up for my absolutely TERRIBLE month of August, I'm going to try to get something down here at least once every other day. I promise that what I make up for in quantity of entries will be compensated by exponentially lower-quality entries.
One quick thing that I saw at the bookstore yesterday.
I was sitting at a table in the back near the kid's section (because being around other adults makes me feel even worse about myself), reading a collection of old Orson Scott Card works, when I witnessed the following exchange:
(Enter, stage left, harried mother and 2 small children)
Mommy: "Okay, guys, let's go get a snack. Put that down. You could use a snack right? Mommy needs some Irish coffee!"
Kid: "But mommy this is about Jesus."
Mommy: (examines Christianity picture book) "Well... can't argue with that."
Kid: "Jesus! Jesus!"
Mommy: "Okay, honey... put that down and let's get a little snack."
Kid: "But I want to read about Jesus." (plaintively, whining) "JE-SUUUUS!"
Mommy: "Well" (pauses for half a beat) "would you rather read about Jesus? Or get a candy bar? I'll get you a candy bar!"
Kid: "SNICKERS!!!"
At this point the kid just flung the Jesus picture book in a heap on the ground, and started sprinting towards the snack bar.
Mommy: (rolls eyes, sighs) "Oh, Christ...."
At that point I just started laughing my ass off. She smiled at me and said, shrugging and adjusting her daughter on her hip, "Whatever works, right?"
I made up the part about the Irish coffee, but the rest is verbatim. I've been trying to prove this formally for years, but now I can say resolutely:
Chocolate > Jesus
I'll be back later.
posted by Derek at 10:55 AM
4 Comments:
Wang, with you and McGee gone so long, I've had to find other ways to amuse myself. I've played somewhere around 60,000 hands of poker since your last entry, and I've been killing so much that if I had a job, I'd quit it... you know, so I'd have something so be embarrassed about when I stop getting so lucky. I WILL start telling people that I'm a writing/poker player. Sounds kinda' cool-- to me, anyway.
The second two questions of that challenge are not Vonnegut-related. Good luck.
Solid. Since you're Asian, there's a 100% chance you play more than 8 tables at all times. Only the most dedicated (or adopted?) of us white folks can even get past 4
Yeah, eight. Is that really racial? I hadn't heard of that. Man, that's one more marble on our scale for that master-race selection. T-Rex 274, Asians 3. This is going to be tough sell come finals.
Dutch said...
"Yeah, eight. Is that really racial?"
(shrug) I THINK so. All my gambooling Asian friends are multi-table killers. Even when they just started playing, they fired up 6 tables on their first day of playing .5/1 limit-hold'em. I'm jealous as fuck. I can 6 table with relative ease on a decent monitor, but I still miss bets and have to fly blind when I'm not being good about my reads.
It's time like these when I think that I might want a cocaine habit. You think I could write that off on my taxes as a business expense? That'd be best audit in the world
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