On Charm....

Once, in highschool, I volunteered that in some cultures, eating a newborn's placenta is common practice.The girl next to me was very disgusted, so every few minutes- when the teacher wasn't looking- I would whisper "pla-cen-ta" and make a disgusting slurping sound. Eventually, she had to raise her hand and whine, "Mrs. Stevens, Derek keeps whispering 'placenta' to me!" That might be the hardest I have ever laughed.

Days later, I spilled some rootbeer in class. She said something incredibly biting like, "Spilled some rootbeer, eh? Sucks to be you!" So I whirled around and declared, in a clear, commanding tone, "Yeah, well, you're ugly and stupid and no man will ever love you." She actually SCURRIED out of class. My teacher glared at me, and her ex-boyfriend chimed in, demonstrating perfect comedic timing, "But it's true."

I made out with her at a party a few years after graduation.