"Let's Embarrass Him in Front of His Girlfriend"
Went to Soaring Eagle casino last night. Things did not go well for the Wangman. When playing NL live, I like to race as much as I can early, because of the structure of these games and the absolutely terrible play of some of the players with big stacks. The only NL game they had was 1/2 max $100, and a $6 table-share every half-hour. (ugh)
The third hand I played, the Hijack open-raised (shocker) to $12, the cutoff called, and I reraised to $34 (or thereabouts) straight when I saw AhKh. The hijack folded, and the cutoff thought for a few moments before pushing for my last 60ish dollars. I made the easy call, and he turned over two black queens. The board bricked, and I rebought.
A short while later I'm sitting with about $120. A young kid who's been getting his teeth kicked in over the last few orbits calls a raise to $10. I call on the button or cutoff with sevens. 5 people see a flop, which is 4d 5c 8d. I have the seven of diamonds. Everyone checks to me, and I bet $35 into the $50 pot. A few players fold to the young kid who pushes instantly for about $80 more. Looks like a frustrated guy on a draw, so I call reasonably quickly, happy about my hand since I hold a diamond and 2 sevens, possibly jamming up some of his outs. Sure enough, he turns over a black 3c6c. Turn deuce, and no six on the river means I'm toast.
About half an hour later, 5 people see a flop, and I hold 7s8s on the button. The flop comes As Ks 8x. An MP player leads for $10. I have $~60 left, and there will be 70$ in the pot if I call. I decide I'll get bombed off the hand on the turn, and I can't afford not to gamble here, so I reraise to $40 straight, hoping he can fold A/rag. He pushes and I call, and he shows me AK. King on the turn, and I'm drawing dead.
I was playing okay another hour later, but a couple missed flops and I'm down from a highwater mark to about $125. I raise to $10 from MP with KhJh, and get 2 callers, including the BB. The Flop is a dream: Qh Th 6x. To my surprise, the BB open pushes for about $70. He's terrible, and I don't think he'd play Ahxh this way, or a set. It smells like a bad two pair, or something like Q-rag, hoping I whiffed, or something equally stupid. I have 15 outs vs. a set, and 18 outs unless he has 2 pair or exactly QK. I call, and get all my money in against Q5 as about a 62-38 (off the top of my head, here) favorite. When I call almost instantly and turn my cards over, he pumps his fist and says, "I knew I had the best hand," to which I replied, "You're a pretty significant dog, sir." He had no idea what I was talking about, and patronizingly explained that he had a pair, and I ONLY had a draw. When I told him had "18 outs twice, which means I'll spike a heart, king, Ace or 9 significantly more than half the time," his only response was, "But I have the best hand."
The board bricked, and I licked my wounds at a limit table. I picked up aces twice in 2 orbits, and apart from losing a big pot to a weirdo/misplayed backdoor flush draw, I ran pretty well. Even though I bought at least 15-20 vodka shots, I left up about 15 bets in 3 hours. (shrug) I put it all on black, and promptly lost.
Okay, enough poker bitching; it's time for a fun poker story. I went to Soaring Eagle with my friend Chris, who is leaving with me on Thursday so he can play in the Main Event in Vegas. There are a few things you need to know about Chris:
1) He is a very good NLHE player. He is better than you. He is pretty much better than anyone you know. He routinely kills any game he plays. If he weren't such a lazy sack, he'd be playing 5K+ games online by now, but just gets incredibly hammered and picks up a few buyins between 2AM and 8AM playing 10/20 NLHE, shorthanded or headsup. Many people on his site of choice won't play him.
2) He, like me, is just a fucking confrontational asshole.
3) His biggest pet peeve is braggarts and boasters. And people who think they're better than they are. (As an aside, it's quite shocking we're such good friends...)
4) He loves teaching lessons.
So we were hanging out, getting all drunk, playing poker and some hotshot 25-28 year old strolls in like he owns the place and starts singing his own praises. "I take more money out of this game than anybody, guys." I swear to God, he says that, to which I promptly replied, "No, I'm pretty sure SHE does" and I pointed to the dealer. He glared and me, and said something like, "Whatever, hotshot." Hey. Asshole. You're bragging about how you can beat the 1/2 game on an Indian reservation? I come here to get drunk, and say mean shit to people like you.
So he was going on, and on, and on, and Chris and I were just shooting each other glances. Finally, we both heard him whisper to someone next to him, "Yeah, I just talk all this shit to get people riled up, make 'em come after me, put 'em on tilt, you know?" And this point Chris is near exploding.
Chris: "Sir? Excuse me, sir? Hey, man?"
Chris: "Hey buddy. Hey!" (taps Asshole on the arm) "Hey. I'll play you heads up for $1,000 right now."
Asshole: (laughs) "Haha..."
Chris: "I'm not kidding. I'll play you for any amount you want, right now. I'll get a hotel room, we'll hire an off-duty dealer, buy some checks, and play as long as you want."
Asshole: "Dude, what's your problem?"
Chris: "Well, you seem to think quite a bit of yourself, so I'm giving you a chance to make some money. How about it?"
At this point, the guy is torn. He doesn't want to back down, but he quite obviously doesn't want to play this guy, either. So he formulates a plan: Act like a motherfucking moron.
Asshole: "So you're inviting me up to your hotel room? Like I'm not gonna get robbed the second I step in there."
Chris: "There'll be a dealer there to protect you. Feel free to bring a friend, too, since I've got my buddy here with me."
Asshole: (stammering) "Sure man, I'll play you. I feel like I'm getting hustled, though, so I have to deal every time. Screw the dealer, I hold the cards."
Chris: "Now that's pretty stupid. If you don't want to play, just say so."
Now the whole table's watching in interest and whispering.
Asshole: (gulps) "Dude, if I say yes, you're just going to back out immediately. You're going to feel like a little bitch, then."
Chris: "Is that a no?"
Asshole: "Let's play for 3 grand. Not worth my time otherwise."
Chris: (shrugs) "Okay. Wanna go right now, or wait until your half-hour is up?"
Asshole: "What? Show me the fucking money and I'll play you."
So, Chris whipped a huge fat roll of 100s out of his pocket. He had to have at least 5K there.
Chris: "I should be able to reload if I get low, too..."
Asshole's just speechless. He tried everything he could think of to make Chris back down, but none of it worked. He tried intimidation, he tried raising the stakes, he tried claiming we would cheat him, and eventually he tried calling Chris's bluff. Ooops. He was serious.
Chris needled him for the next 2 hours- and won about a buy-in and a half when he snapped off a bluff with K-hi and proceeded to bluff his ass off the very next hand- until we moved tables. The Asshole didn't say a WORD the rest of the time. 2 dealsers came to our table and mentioned that they'd never seen him so quiet.
His girlfriend showed up a while later. 3 hours drunker, Chris wandered over again.
Chris: "Hey. You never said you didn't want to play. I'm pretty drunk. You want to play now?"
Asshole: "Dude, what's your beef?"
Chris: "You're my beef. You said you didn't want to play me for 1,000, only for 3,000. You were obviously bluffing, and full of shit. So either tell me you don't want to play me heads-up for any amount of money or I'm going to come over here and keep embarrassing you in front of your girl here until I pass out or you leave."
Asshole: "What? What do you want me to say, that you're better than me?"
Chris: "Yes. That's exactly what I want."
Asshole: "Fine then."
Chris: "No, you still haven't said it. Say you don't want to play me because I'm better than you."
Asshole: "Fine, Jesus. Sure. You're better than me."
The kid was just dejected. He walked into the casino on the top of the world, and a few hours later he'd lost his manhood in front of the people he played against 5 nights a week AND his (sadly kinda hot) girlfriend. Sources say he eventually lost about 4 buy-ins and slunk away.
Chris probably said 10 words the rest of the night.
The third hand I played, the Hijack open-raised (shocker) to $12, the cutoff called, and I reraised to $34 (or thereabouts) straight when I saw AhKh. The hijack folded, and the cutoff thought for a few moments before pushing for my last 60ish dollars. I made the easy call, and he turned over two black queens. The board bricked, and I rebought.
A short while later I'm sitting with about $120. A young kid who's been getting his teeth kicked in over the last few orbits calls a raise to $10. I call on the button or cutoff with sevens. 5 people see a flop, which is 4d 5c 8d. I have the seven of diamonds. Everyone checks to me, and I bet $35 into the $50 pot. A few players fold to the young kid who pushes instantly for about $80 more. Looks like a frustrated guy on a draw, so I call reasonably quickly, happy about my hand since I hold a diamond and 2 sevens, possibly jamming up some of his outs. Sure enough, he turns over a black 3c6c. Turn deuce, and no six on the river means I'm toast.
About half an hour later, 5 people see a flop, and I hold 7s8s on the button. The flop comes As Ks 8x. An MP player leads for $10. I have $~60 left, and there will be 70$ in the pot if I call. I decide I'll get bombed off the hand on the turn, and I can't afford not to gamble here, so I reraise to $40 straight, hoping he can fold A/rag. He pushes and I call, and he shows me AK. King on the turn, and I'm drawing dead.
I was playing okay another hour later, but a couple missed flops and I'm down from a highwater mark to about $125. I raise to $10 from MP with KhJh, and get 2 callers, including the BB. The Flop is a dream: Qh Th 6x. To my surprise, the BB open pushes for about $70. He's terrible, and I don't think he'd play Ahxh this way, or a set. It smells like a bad two pair, or something like Q-rag, hoping I whiffed, or something equally stupid. I have 15 outs vs. a set, and 18 outs unless he has 2 pair or exactly QK. I call, and get all my money in against Q5 as about a 62-38 (off the top of my head, here) favorite. When I call almost instantly and turn my cards over, he pumps his fist and says, "I knew I had the best hand," to which I replied, "You're a pretty significant dog, sir." He had no idea what I was talking about, and patronizingly explained that he had a pair, and I ONLY had a draw. When I told him had "18 outs twice, which means I'll spike a heart, king, Ace or 9 significantly more than half the time," his only response was, "But I have the best hand."
The board bricked, and I licked my wounds at a limit table. I picked up aces twice in 2 orbits, and apart from losing a big pot to a weirdo/misplayed backdoor flush draw, I ran pretty well. Even though I bought at least 15-20 vodka shots, I left up about 15 bets in 3 hours. (shrug) I put it all on black, and promptly lost.
Okay, enough poker bitching; it's time for a fun poker story. I went to Soaring Eagle with my friend Chris, who is leaving with me on Thursday so he can play in the Main Event in Vegas. There are a few things you need to know about Chris:
1) He is a very good NLHE player. He is better than you. He is pretty much better than anyone you know. He routinely kills any game he plays. If he weren't such a lazy sack, he'd be playing 5K+ games online by now, but just gets incredibly hammered and picks up a few buyins between 2AM and 8AM playing 10/20 NLHE, shorthanded or headsup. Many people on his site of choice won't play him.
2) He, like me, is just a fucking confrontational asshole.
3) His biggest pet peeve is braggarts and boasters. And people who think they're better than they are. (As an aside, it's quite shocking we're such good friends...)
4) He loves teaching lessons.
So we were hanging out, getting all drunk, playing poker and some hotshot 25-28 year old strolls in like he owns the place and starts singing his own praises. "I take more money out of this game than anybody, guys." I swear to God, he says that, to which I promptly replied, "No, I'm pretty sure SHE does" and I pointed to the dealer. He glared and me, and said something like, "Whatever, hotshot." Hey. Asshole. You're bragging about how you can beat the 1/2 game on an Indian reservation? I come here to get drunk, and say mean shit to people like you.
So he was going on, and on, and on, and Chris and I were just shooting each other glances. Finally, we both heard him whisper to someone next to him, "Yeah, I just talk all this shit to get people riled up, make 'em come after me, put 'em on tilt, you know?" And this point Chris is near exploding.
Chris: "Sir? Excuse me, sir? Hey, man?"
Chris: "Hey buddy. Hey!" (taps Asshole on the arm) "Hey. I'll play you heads up for $1,000 right now."
Asshole: (laughs) "Haha..."
Chris: "I'm not kidding. I'll play you for any amount you want, right now. I'll get a hotel room, we'll hire an off-duty dealer, buy some checks, and play as long as you want."
Asshole: "Dude, what's your problem?"
Chris: "Well, you seem to think quite a bit of yourself, so I'm giving you a chance to make some money. How about it?"
At this point, the guy is torn. He doesn't want to back down, but he quite obviously doesn't want to play this guy, either. So he formulates a plan: Act like a motherfucking moron.
Asshole: "So you're inviting me up to your hotel room? Like I'm not gonna get robbed the second I step in there."
Chris: "There'll be a dealer there to protect you. Feel free to bring a friend, too, since I've got my buddy here with me."
Asshole: (stammering) "Sure man, I'll play you. I feel like I'm getting hustled, though, so I have to deal every time. Screw the dealer, I hold the cards."
Chris: "Now that's pretty stupid. If you don't want to play, just say so."
Now the whole table's watching in interest and whispering.
Asshole: (gulps) "Dude, if I say yes, you're just going to back out immediately. You're going to feel like a little bitch, then."
Chris: "Is that a no?"
Asshole: "Let's play for 3 grand. Not worth my time otherwise."
Chris: (shrugs) "Okay. Wanna go right now, or wait until your half-hour is up?"
Asshole: "What? Show me the fucking money and I'll play you."
So, Chris whipped a huge fat roll of 100s out of his pocket. He had to have at least 5K there.
Chris: "I should be able to reload if I get low, too..."
Asshole's just speechless. He tried everything he could think of to make Chris back down, but none of it worked. He tried intimidation, he tried raising the stakes, he tried claiming we would cheat him, and eventually he tried calling Chris's bluff. Ooops. He was serious.
Chris needled him for the next 2 hours- and won about a buy-in and a half when he snapped off a bluff with K-hi and proceeded to bluff his ass off the very next hand- until we moved tables. The Asshole didn't say a WORD the rest of the time. 2 dealsers came to our table and mentioned that they'd never seen him so quiet.
His girlfriend showed up a while later. 3 hours drunker, Chris wandered over again.
Chris: "Hey. You never said you didn't want to play. I'm pretty drunk. You want to play now?"
Asshole: "Dude, what's your beef?"
Chris: "You're my beef. You said you didn't want to play me for 1,000, only for 3,000. You were obviously bluffing, and full of shit. So either tell me you don't want to play me heads-up for any amount of money or I'm going to come over here and keep embarrassing you in front of your girl here until I pass out or you leave."
Asshole: "What? What do you want me to say, that you're better than me?"
Chris: "Yes. That's exactly what I want."
Asshole: "Fine then."
Chris: "No, you still haven't said it. Say you don't want to play me because I'm better than you."
Asshole: "Fine, Jesus. Sure. You're better than me."
The kid was just dejected. He walked into the casino on the top of the world, and a few hours later he'd lost his manhood in front of the people he played against 5 nights a week AND his (sadly kinda hot) girlfriend. Sources say he eventually lost about 4 buy-ins and slunk away.
Chris probably said 10 words the rest of the night.
posted by Derek at 3:46 PM
6 Comments:
I hate NLH players. They all act like that.
There really may be nothing better than acting like a dumb fuck and busting up a NL table. I only play low-limit shit when I play live because I get so ungodly-bombed, but I still have a riot being a complete jerk and manhandling guys who are wearing long-sleeve shirts under polo shirts wearing faded backwards hats.
There's nothing more fun than making a huge reraise from the button or the BB or something, then just bombing (or check-bombing) the pot on the flop and turn.
"I know you think you're good, but I just keep acting like my dick is 13 inches long."
PS- I fucking hate playing NLH. Give me the blessed monotony of LHE anyday.
I agree with everything you just said.
NLH is kinda stupid. LH has WAY bigger win-rates for less bankroll.
I put the email up on my blog.
If you don't update soon I'll turn The Dutch Factor into a generic poker blog. ...It's gonna' be horrible.
.
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